


Protection

by KseniyaOgorodnikova



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: ohsam, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, OhSam Triple Play 2016, Post-Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 05:31:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8520343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KseniyaOgorodnikova/pseuds/KseniyaOgorodnikova
Summary: Written for OhSam Triple Play 2016.Prompts: Bunker//Dean//After Sam finds out Lucifer is on the loose again, he finds every protection and purification sigil in the MoL library and starts carving them onto his body.Post-episode 11x14.





	

You're fine. You're absolutely fine.

-Sam keeps telling himself. And he seems fine - as fine as can be the man who survived the endless torture for millenia by the hands of the cruelest creature in the world and just learned that this **creature** posessed his best friend. And **shoved** its hand into his very soul. And threatened to kill his brother.  
So yes, he's perfectly fine.  
Sam leaves his brother on the pier because he doesn't want to burden Dean with his hurting feelings and stupid worries. It doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. He never did.  
They have God's Friggin' Sister to kill and God's Friggin' Favourite Son to lock up into the Cage. They have no time to deal with Sam's whining and self-pitying.  
Because he has to be useful. Not worthless and weak but useful.  
So he collects bits and pieces of himself in one piece with duct tape and safety pins and starts researching. Sam looks for every protection and purification sigil in the Men of Letters' library. When Dean comes back and asks "What are doing?" he answers simply "Researching" and can someone say that he's lying? Dean nods slowly, pointing something out for himself, and heads off the library. Sam stays for the night. He doesn't want to sleep, not really, he only wants to do what he have to: to protect Dean and Cas and others from his mistakes. 

He blinks rapidly when milky-white mist clouds his eyesight. When it clears, he sees Cas. No, not Cas -Lucifer. He's leaning on the doorframe, wearing Dean's red Carhatt shirt and playing with hammer. _That_ hammer his demon brother tried to kill him with.  
Sam forgets how to breathe.  
"Wanna play, Sammy-boy?"

Sam wakes up with a loud gasp and almost momentarily there's Ruby's knife in his outstretched hand. He's looking out for threat but there's no one. It was just a horrible nightmare, Sam had so many of them in his life. But he feels like Lucifer is shoving Cas's hand in his ribcage and he is suffocating again. It's a cold bone-deep panic that is setting itself comfortably in Sam's chest and killing any other emotions. It's not the usual kind of panic when you are pacing back and forth and don't know what to do with all that crap rather than fall into the ground. It's Sam Freakin' Winchester kind of panic - pretending that all is peachy and fine when inside all is screaming _oh god no no nonono_. This is what happens when you throw a soul in Lucifer's dog bowl.  
Sam blinks - and suddenly Lucifer is here again, wearing a creepy smile on Cas's soft face and tapping his hand with the hammer.  
Sam can't scream for Dean.  
Sam can't fucking breathe.  
He thinks that this cold is going to freeze him to death.

He looks around because he needs something bigger than Ruby's toothpick. Sam's gaze falls on the dusty old books scattered all around the table.  
One of the books catches his attention. There's a picture of an old protection sigil said that it doesn't let the angel posess the vessel and Sam without second thoughts takes the knife and drives it in his skin.  
He's so panicked that all emotions just don't exist for him, he feels no pain when sharp edge slices his arm. He draws the first line, then the second and the others with cold determination. He's so fucking scared that his hands aren't shaking. Instead Sam like a robot carves and carves and carves all parts of the sigil onto his forearm and Lucifer's figure flickers. When Sam finishes archangel's already gone.  
Sam exhales and smiles weakly because he isn't as helpless as he thought. This time he won. And he can do it next time.  
Crimson warm is streaming down his arm and dripping on the floor but he doesn't care.  
Sam doesn't sleep this night. He feverously turns page after page after page and finally finds what le looks for.  
There are about twelve open books on the table, their pages showing a lot of different .  
Purification symbols.  
Protection sigils.  
_Protection._

Sam takes the knife.

**Author's Note:**

> It was pretty hard to write on such themes... But I hope you liked it. If so, please leave a comment.  
> Not beta-ed, all mistakes are my own. If you find any so let me know.  
> Feedback is always appreciated.


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